If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked my hip out of place.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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