So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I don't think brook has ever known best
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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