i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
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You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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