3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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