ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize