FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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