they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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