She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
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I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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