Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize