He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
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She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
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We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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