I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Too much gin, very little bucket
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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