jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
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This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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