my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize