But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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