So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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