So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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