i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize