Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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