So drunk its hurt
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
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I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
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I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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