We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
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Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
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All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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