Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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