Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
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I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
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He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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