Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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