i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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