I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
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I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
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I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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