woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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