I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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