I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize