I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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