hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
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You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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