hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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