so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
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So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
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Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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