Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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