Betty ford says i'm here all night
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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