she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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