Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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