So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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