Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
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Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
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This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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