The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
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It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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