you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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