My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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