Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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