Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
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Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
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He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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