I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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