I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
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There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
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You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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