i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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