Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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