If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize