I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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