I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
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